Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Last chances

Well, I've reached a decision. Next week after my bf comes home from his vaca to Florida, I'm going to give him an ultimatum. Either he's in our relationship or he's not, not this "some days I am" bullshit. So either he decides that he is and wants to make this work, or I'm out. I can't do this anymore. The constant fear of not knowing where we stand, feeling like he doesn't love me anymore. I mean for fuck's sake, he AVOIDS kissing me and won't even hold my hand. I saw him on Sunday and I went to kiss him on the lips, he turned his head away. I try and hold his hand when we were laying next to each other watching tv, and he shakes me off. Really? WTF.
After 3 1/2 years, this shit happens. I'm graduating in 2 months, I NEED to focus on getting all my classes done. I need to find a job and figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life. Of all the things I thought would be stable and steady, I always figured I'd have him to count on, to keep me together and help me out. Guess not.
He's not even making an effort to see me before he leaves. I know he's only gonna be gone for 6 days but still, it would be nice to just see each other. But he doesn't even care.
All my friends, family, and even his mom think this is the right thing to do. But fuck, I hate the idea of losing this after all this time. It kills me, I honestly thought we'd always be together. I truly thought I was going to marry him.
But I guess not all dreams can come true.