Friday, June 11, 2010

Still here

So I've totally been a ghost for like....ever. Sorry about that. Shit has been so crazy busy but I just took my last final EVER today. And I'm graduating in a week. Un-fucking-believable. I'm still so fucking scared that I won't, like I'm gonna find out at the last minute that I failed a class. Hopefully that won't happen.
And I haven't lost anything. I'm stuck at 119 which makes me want to cry every minute of every day. I just keep eating crap and a lot of it. I've been dying to get back some self-control. I've started going on all the old sites again, which is helping. I'm planning on starting ABC tomorrow. I so desperately need to change something. I can't stay at this weight. I hate going out with friends because that means I have to put on something other than a tshirt and pj shorts. And while I'm out, all I can think about is how fat I must look and how I can feel my thighs touching and my fat hanging over my bra.
I've been thinking more and more about lipo and shit like that. Just thinking about all of this shit makes me so depressed. I just want to stop eating. I want to stop looking like this. And I know it starts with me, I need to be the one to get off my ass and start  doing something about it.
I know, I know.
I'd like to think that I'm slowly starting to do this.