Monday, February 22, 2010

Today was supposed to be the first official day of  my fast....I fucked that up. I was doing pretty well during the day but then my bf's mom made pasta for us and things just went down hill from there.

But tomorrow I'm going to do it. I'm not going to eat all day. At the very least until dinnertime. Matty might take me out for sushi for my birthday [yay! 22!] but I know a dish that's like 300 cals that's relatively safe.

I can do this. I joined a group fast too so I need to do this. I've just been sitting and looking at thinspo, catching up on blogs and forums. And all I can think is "How did I let this happen?" I was fucking 107 at the beginning of January. And now I'm a fatass at 120. I might be more than that but I'm too scared to get on the scale. Maybe in a week.

But I just need to keep telling myself that I can do this. I've done it before and I will do it again. I'm so ashamed of myself and every single movement I make just makes me sick. All I can feel is this fat on me and I look down and that's all I see. Sickening.

But that will change soon enough. I got new diet pills today and now that I have this back, I can do it.