Friday, March 12, 2010

I hate this feeling. I hate being so hyper aware of every inch of my body, every inch of fat. Of having the urge to scream, or cry, or even throw up every time I feel my thighs touch, see my stomach stick out, feel my back fat spill over my bra.....all of this shit. It's awful.
It pisses me off that I fucked up so bad when I was so close to my goal weight. It pisses me off that I have to start all over again and that I feel as though I've lost all control.
But I can do this, I was fucking 107!!!
[sigh] Ana give me strength.....
I'm doing this shit. I'm getting tired of saying it so many times, as I'm sure you're probably sick of hearing me say it so many times. I'm just hoping that maybe if I say it enough, I'll finally believe in myself enough to get on top of it.

Anyway....2nd week of school down. I'm back home now with the fam which is awesome. I'm so happy to be home. I haven't seen my family in....well...about 2 weeks or so. It's also nice to be away from the drama of my boyfriend, he has become so retarded lately. Like we've absolutely switched roles in our relationship. He's just always bitching about something that I'm doing, and of course I can't do anything right. whatever.

Well, I'm off to go run on the treadmill, Love you all and hopefully tomorrow will bring me the inspiration and drive I need.