Thursday, March 25, 2010

Poetry and Pounds

Let's pretend what we said is from a script
Well written from a daytime drama
We'll win an award for our brilliant acting
But at least we'll only be pretending.
You're words and causes won't leave a sting
And mine that cut will have no meaning
So that we can smile and go back to living. 
No need for silence and anxious guesses
That leaves me restless and aching for hope.
I want to touch without freezing
Your kisses that hit their mark.
Flowing speech that's not strung up.
I had your love, I think I lost it
But all that's lost can be found.
I'm on the search, I'm trying hard
I hope you look up long enough to notice.
So please, let's try, I'll pick up my script
I'll do it with a smile because, after all,
It's only pretend. 
~~~~~~~~~ + ~~~~~~~~ + ~~~~~~~~~~~

I still feel like shit is awful between me and my boyfriend. I practically didn't eat for the last couple days except for some dinner because I was at his house. Lost like 3 pounds which brightened my mood a little bit. But then I got upset again because it wasn't enough. 
I ate so much today and it was ALL  bread. Fuck. I weighed myself this morning and I was like 119.8 then after lunch and it was 121.4 and it just makes me more depressed. But now that I've proven to myself that I can go the whole day with nothing but liquids, I know that I lose more weight. 
My first time goal is to try and lose at least 10 lbs by May 3 which is my bf's bday. The ultimate time goal is June 19, which is when I graduate, and by then I hope to lose 20 lbs. If I follow what I've been doing, and get my ass outside and moving, I know I can do this. 
I just hope everything gets worked out. He said that he needs some time to think on all of this, to make sure we're "in it for the right reasons". Supposedly we're going to talk sometime next week because he's off from work. [sigh]  
The only good thing from this is that I'm so depressed that I don't want to do anything except what I absolutely have to [classes, etc.] so I'm not really eating. Those 2 days I wouldn't have had dinner either if I didn't go to his house. 
I hope all you girls are doing well. Hopefully better than me. 
Stay strong, be beautiful, and think thin <3