Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Cellphones and Buddha Beads

Holy shit, 22 followers. That's kinda cool that people actually find what I write interesting. lol not to sound conceded or anything. I don't think what I write is all that fascinating, but it's kinda nice to know that someone else is taking a moment to read my thoughts.
Anywho...weight this morning was 110. ick.....I'm sure it's higher now, after the crap I just ate. I can't wait to get on the ship. I'll barely eat cuz the food is awful, so it'll be easier to restrict aaaand all I can think about it is all the weight I'm going to lose.

I've started to really get into meditation and Buddhism. It's a really great distraction, especially the meditation. I have a few malas that I made and meditate with. I bought a bunch of beads today and I'm gonna get some more tomorrow to make more while I'm on the ship.

I feel like becoming more centered and disciplined will help me keep in control.  Help me be more in control and strong. I don't know, like I said, it's a good distraction.

I'm also having boyfriend mini-drama. Apparently I'm "treating him like an asshole" and we're in a "one-way relationship because I only talk to him when I feel like it".
Translation: he's getting pissy because I don't text/call more often during the day. Really? I'm sorry that I'm pretty much consumed by Ana, I just found out my dad has prostate cancer, my grandma's back in the hospital. When I have the time to just sit on the couch and do nothing, think about nothing, I like to take advantage of it.  Whatever. I'll be leaving soon for 6 weeks and I won't be able to call/text/whatever.

I don't know...I just feel stressed. And I feel like it's so stupid to say.....but if I was at least around 105, I'd feel a bit better.